I have been musing about the importance of the Moon in synastry and have concluded it is important indeed if the relationship is to last any length of time. In fact, I would place having the Moon in a harmonious aspect to another’s Moon right up there with good Mercury aspects, necessary for good communication.
The Moon represents how we handle our feelings and emotions, our little routine habit patterns, the way we feel about home and family and is often largely unconscious in expression. It is next to impossible to make adjustments to behavior patterns if we cannot identify them, isn’t it? If the natal Moon is in aspect to the outer planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune & Pluto), we can face even greater challenges is figuring out why we do what we do under emotional stress.
Over the years I have looked at both the charts and the relationships in real life of many people and that is why I stress the importance of compatible Moons, at the very least by sign, if not degree. The conjunction, sextile, trine and opposition are all helpful while the square and inconjunct are very troublesome.
For instance, my husband and I have our Moons in exact opposition – his in Aries and mine in Libra, fire and air. His ex-wife had her Moon in Cancer and they fought bitterly the entire time they were married. This was very, very hard on their two Gemini daughters who have both told me how much happier everyone is and has been since their dad and I have been married.
The easiest way to determine why one Moon sign is compatible with another is to look at the element of the signs. Earth sign Moons (Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn) are comfortable with other earth signs and the quiet understanding of water signs (Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces). Fire signs (Aries, Leo & Sagittarius) love the sparkle and energy of other fire signs and are feed by air signs (Gemini, Libra & Aquarius).
However, air and fire struggle attempting to connect with earth and water. I know from personal experience how difficult it is for my Libra Moon self to live with a Cancer Moon person – usually because I inadvertently step on their sensitive feelings. Just think of what it must be like for a water sign Moon living with a boisterous fiery Moon. Yikes! Earthy Moons just think fire and air Moons are frivolous . . .
So if you are playing around looking at the “what if’s” for someone who caught your eye and you have the good fortune to lay your hands on their birth date, check the sign and element of their Moon as well as the Mars-Venus stuff. Dealing with a constant string of hurt feelings due to emotional miscues can dampen the hottest chemistry.
As for Mercury in synastry – how the heck can you effectively fight with someone you can’t talk to???? Remind me to take this up another day.